Tomorrow I will be 41 weeks pregnant.
I really had hoped that our little girl would have made her way into the world by now. I know, I know - due dates are only a guide and babies can be born 2 weeks either side of that date, etc. etc.
I guess being that for the past 9 months, all I've been able to think about is having a baby, and now that it's finally here and the build-up has come to a peak and it's all very exciting, all I want is to be holding her in my arms and cuddling her and being a little family. I said, after my stint in hospital, that she'd either come early or, more likely, keep us waiting after everything we've been through. The latter seems to have been proven!
And it makes it more difficult when people keep saying "Just relax, let go, it'll be fine, she'll make it here" - like I said, for the last 9 months this pregnancy has been my life, all I can think about, and now that the time has finally arrived, it's hard to just let that go and let be what will be.
I have "ideals" for my birthing experience, and while I know the world (particularly unpredictables like giving birth) does not run to ideals but will run how it will run, it would be nice to know that at least some of my wishes could be granted. For example, being able to have a water birth. If I have to be induced (I'm scheduled in for induction on Monday 26th should she not arrive by herself by then), then chances of my being able to have a water birth are reduced. And induction runs the risk of a cascade of interference - firstly they'll try gel, then they'll try breaking my waters if that doesn't work, and then an IV of pitocin, and finally there's the possibility of being taken in for an emergency C-Section. Each of those steps takes me further and further from my "ideal" experience.
I know that I should just be grateful for the chance to have a baby at all - that she's healthy and grows well and all that - and trust me, I am. It would, however, be nice to have it all run to a natural beat, rather than a medical one.