34 Week (and 3 Days) Update

I've now been home for 3 weeks and things are looking pretty good!

The Monday before last, I had an appointment with my OBGYN, who said it was fine for me to return to work after my stint in Hobart, and that there was no longer any sign of the clot on my placenta. I don't need to see him again until 7th November!

This Thursday just been, I had an appointment with my midwife, had my second Anti--D shot, checked on bub's heartrate and my growth (both of which are spot-on perfect).  She didn't see any reasons for concern about heading forward at this point, which is VERY exciting considering we've had a bit of a rough time!

Yesterday was the Baby Shower, hosted by my awesome mum, and it was great! We were SO spoilt with gifts, it was unreal!  I feel so overwhelmed with love and support right now, it's just amazing.  We had an awesome afternoon tea with fun games and lots of laughs, yummy food and fantastic company - I couldn't have asked for a more enjoyable afternoon.

I have so much sorting to do and a final sweep of the baby's room to clear out the last bit of mess before it's completely finished and I can finally post photos for everyone - I'm itching to show you all the room but not before it's perfect!

34 Week Stats Update:

Weight Gain: Total of about 6kg, after the initial loss of 7kg.

Innie or Outtie: Still an innie!

Maternity Clothes: When I'm out-and-about, definitely.  But at home, I can still fit fine into most of my t-shirts and pants :)

Sleep: Sleeping okay, just waking up with a dead leg every so-often, and finding it difficult to get to sleep in the first place.  A normal night now involves waking up maybe once every couple of hours.

Pregnancy Perk: I have to say the attention, don't I?!  And being able to eat whatever I want without excuses :P

Embarrassing Pregnant Moment:  None that I can think of!  I don't embarrass easily though!

Best Moment this week: The Baby Shower, for sure - this girl is one spoilt child already!

Baby Purchases this week: None this week, didn't have to!!!

Gender: Still a girl, and we've had pretty much every radiologist confirm this every time we've had a scan!

Movement: Still a wriggly worm.

Food Cravings: Nothing out of the ordinary - I still enjoy strawberries but they're not really a craving at the moment. 

Food Aversions:  Still bacon - can't get my head around it at the moment.

How’s Mummy? Very happy!  Glad that everything's now going smoothly.  My morning sickness has returned but it's really only in the morning and of an evening when I'm trying to get to sleep.  Otherwise, I'm fine.  Things are starting to look positive for the final outcome!

How’s Daddy? He's wonderful - been very supportive and just my rock for the past 3 weeks.  He's been taking the time to relax and play his video games before bub arrives!

What I am looking forward to: Our next midwife appointment, being able to discuss my birth wishlist (it's not a plan! The moment you call it a plan, it's not likely to follow!) and see if she's happy for us to travel down the waterbirth route that I so want.

Our Baby in Veggie/Fruit Terms: Baby is now the size of a butternut squash, approximately 2kg and 45cm in length.

What Baby Peanut is up to: She's filling out and getting rounder -- she'll need her fat layers later to regulate her body temperature. If you've been nervous about going into premature labour, you'll be happy to know that 99 per cent of babies born at week 35 can survive outside the womb -- and most have no major problems. Although your baby's central nervous system is still maturing, her lungs are nearly fully developed by now.

Home!

I'm finally home - they let me come back a week earlier than they anticipated because I'd been asymptomatic for over a week, and my clot (I finally found out it was a retrochorionic haematoma) had disappeared almost completely as of Thursday. The clot itself was 35x59x48mm, which is pretty huge but still less than 5% of the placenta itself.

Retrochorionic haematomas are more common in early pregnancy, but since mine happened in my last trimester, they were obviously quite concerned. Luckily, bubby stayed put but she would have been in the right place had my bleeding not settled.

Alls good so far - have to call my OBGYN tomorrow and make an appointment to see him about continued care, whether I'm still considered high risk, and if I can return to work between now and a couple of weeks before baby is due.

Just happy to be home really

Hotel

On Saturday (8th September) I was released from the hospital and have been staying at a hotel only 5 minutes from the hospital, and am now being treated as an outpatient.

While I thought it would be better to be in a hotel room (my own space, no interruptions, quieter), I almost miss the hospital for the simple fact of company - you're never really alone in hospital, with people coming and going from your room, you almost always have someone to talk to.

Anyway, today I have an appointment at the hospital, in the high risk antenatal clinic, so I'll be heading in there and requesting that I be allowed to go home sooner rather than later - I don't think being away from my family is very helpful.  I have a scan booked in for Friday, I'm hoping that they will agree to let me go at least by the weekend.  I mean, it's my right to refuse any further treatment or attention.

It seems rather cruel and inhumane to keep a 30-week pregnant woman away from her support base for 4 weeks, at the most emotional point she'll ever experience in her entire life.  I only get to see my husband on weekends, which SUCKS majorly, and the occasional family member or friend during the week.  I manage to keep myself occupied, but I still don't think it's the right place for me to be - how can someone heal or rest in an unfamiliar place?

Rambling thoughts from someone who hasn't got a lot of sleep the past 3 weeks.  I don't know.  I just want out.

Knit knit knit

Yesterday we had a visit from one of the nurses in the NICU, who just wanted to have a yack with us about what happens in NICU and that kind of thing.  She's also a lactation consultant so she ran through with me briefly about how to breastfeed and how the milk is produced, etc. which was good to know because I do intend on breastfeeding but because of this interruption in proceedings, we hadn't had a chance to get to antenatal or breastfeeding classes yet.

During our conversation she asked me how I was holding up, if I was keeping myself occupied, etc.  I said yes, in general I'm okay.  If I was on strict bedrest I'd be going completely nuts, but since I am allowed to go out and such, I feel generally okay.  She said she's a knitter and I said that I had been for a while, but sort of let it go by the wayside.  She suggested I start it again, maybe knit something for Bub, and I though it was a brilliant idea.

And it definitely makes the day go quicker - I spent all of today just in my room knitting and watching Grimm (TV series, if you didn't know).  I'm not a skilled knitter but I did manage to pull off a good chunk of a baby blanket for Bub:

Doesn't really look quite right here because it's 100 stitches squished onto the one needle, but you get the idea.

There's been a couple of mishaps with one or two dropped stitches, and the time I had to undo about 6 rows because I'd purled instead of knitted at the start of a couple, but other than that it's looking quite cute and I'm really pleased with how it's turning out - I can't wait to wrap my little bubba in it, and tell her later on (when she understands) that I knitted it just for her while I was in the hospital, wondering if she'd decide to be born early or not.

It's been quite therapeutic and a good use of time.  I'm excited to get it finished - and I still have two weeks to do it in.

Tomorrow's schedule is another ultrasound, in which they'll check how Bub is growing - I read today online with some research that if she's not grown any more since my last scan two weeks ago, that I might be in for a C-Section - so let's hope she's grown that little extra that tells them she's a 30 week old and not a 28 week old anymore!

One Week Down, Three To Go

Feeling rather low today. I've been in here for a week and 3 days, with 2 weeks 6 days left to go. Not that the time I've been in here has seriously dragged or anything – it’s not been terrible, but it just sucks being in hospital when you don’t feel sick or bad in any way.

The only time I've felt ‘sick’ since the 21st August, when my initial bleed happened, was when they told me I’d have to come here to Hobart and I got anxious and upset. I've not had any pain at all and it feels so useless being here.

I may have said it before here, and I may have not, but up until this point in my pregnancy I've felt so strong and so empowered. Like nothing could stop me. Like, “Hey! I'm making a human! What’s YOUR super power?!”. I wrote about how I feel about becoming a mother, and that I'm so excited to be on this journey, and that it’s the most magnificent phase of my life, and that I'm looking forward to meeting this little person even though I already “know” her.

And it still is, and I still am excited to be on the journey – I can’t wait to meet this little girl whom I've been growing from a zygote to become this amazing, moving, living, breathing thing that I can hold, tangibly, and pour all my love, support, pride and affection into, to help her grow and become a contributing member of society.

But this occurrence feels like it’s taken a lot of the magic away – it’s made my pregnancy into a condition, not a miracle. It’s a plight, a reason for concern, not a magical experience. I feel less empowered and more out of control, I feel less strong and more helpless.

I know that in the larger scheme of things, four weeks won’t have seemed that long and it will all be worth it when this baby finally meets the big wide world, but for the moment, it's the longest four weeks of my life and I wish it would end.

28 Week Belly Photo

Nothing worth doing is easy...

If you’re friends with me on Facebook ,you’ll probably know the saga already and therefore my telling you over again in this post isn’t really going to be telling you anything new. But feel free to read anyway, of course - I can’t stop you!

This will be a really intense, long post - just warning you.

Tuesday, 21st August 2012

Went to work as per normal, everything was the usual, I was getting shit done and feeling pretty positive about the amount I was doing. Had a phone call from a client, then got up to go and talk to one of my workmates about it (around 3:10pm). As I was standing by her desk, I felt a leak in my pants, and a small trickle down my leg. I tried to stop it by ‘clenching’, but it seemed to continue. I thought, “Fuck, I’ve peed myself,” and excused myself quickly from her office and headed out to the Ladies’ room.

I got out to the toilets, pulled my trousers down, and to my absolute horror, I had blood all the way down my right leg. I don’t really remember much else about that instant other than it scared. me. shitless. I looked in the loo and there was blood everywhere there too. I wiped myself, stuffed a little TP in my knickers, and tried to remain calm. Washed up my hands, walked (briskly) back into the main office, and immediately told the lady I’d been talking to that I need an ambulance. She thought I was joking to start with until she saw my face. She sat me down in her chair and calmly called for the paramedics. In the meantime, I called Michael and told him to remain calm, I’d experienced some bleeding and we had an ambulance on the way, but I feel fine (which I did, other than being a little panicked). I told him to get in touch with my Dad (who I’d tried calling a couple of times) for him to go pick him up from work.

The paramedics were amazing. They showed up within 2 minutes of being called, and kept me calm. I felt a little light-headed when they put a cannula into my arm to get some fluids into me, and was laid down on the floor to relax and recover. They stuffed a beautiful (ha!) large pad into my pants to collect anything else that might leak and took me straight out to the local hospital.

From here on in it’s a bit of a blur - I remember being wheeled straight up to the Maternity ward at the MCH, where I was immediately attended to by two nurses and a doctor. The first thing the doc did was check on bub, and he said (much to my relief) there appears to be plenty of fluid around her. They did a speculum inspection, took some swaps of the blood I had there, and it showed negative for amniotic fluid. Another relief. In this time, Michael and Dad arrived, and the doctor went out and told them what had happened. Michael filled out paperwork then they both came in and sat with me.

A little while later the doc and nurses did another speculum, to do a bit of cleanup and make sure that it wasn’t a rupture in my birth canal and that they could see the mucus plug, which seemed okay.

I was then sent down for an emergency scan just to check on everything on the more high-tech equipment, and bubby was fine - measuring up perfectly and didn’t appear to be in any distress. Placenta was also okay, no detachment and definitely not low-lying. They then did an internal scan, and the radiologist said that everything there appeared to be okay - my cervix wasn’t closed but wasn’t open either, but it didn’t appear to be changing at all.

I was sent back up to the ward where another doctor came in and did ANOTHER freaking internal exam on me - I don’t have any problem with internals but crikey four times in the space of a couple of hours seemed excessive even to me at that point. Anyway, they couldn’t see anything wrong, or nothing that they made apparent to me anyway. They talked about the possibility of sending me to Launceston or Hobart hospitals. Michael said he’d better get me a bag packed because, regardless, I’d be at the MCH for at least a night and would need some clothes, toiletries, etc.

It was at around 6:15pm, shortly before Michael and Dad got back, that one of the nurses told me it looked like I’d be sent to the Royal Hobart Hospital. I almost thought she was joking. Hobart (Tasmania’s capital) is approximately 3 hours from where I live. For some this might seem like nothing (hell, for some this is their daily commute to work!) but for me, being from a small city and used to having everything nearby, this was just horrific. I was pretty upset at the news, but tried to take it in my stride. I knew that the RHH is the best for neo-natal and premmie baby care, and if bub was born early, then we’d be in the best place for the best care available.

Around 6:30pm my mum arrived at the hospital. It seemed I only saw her for about 5 minutes before they told me that the paramedics were ready to go. They airlifted me to Hobart (Michael would come down in the morning - I told him that was the best option, get things organised at home and come down the next day because it’d just be me sitting in a hospital bed and having tests/swabs/etc. done, pretty boring for him). I arrived at the RHH around 9:00pm, was taken straight to the maternity ward.

At this point I have to say that EVERYONE I dealt with through this process - 8 paramedics in total, two doctors, countless nurses, a radiologist and a pilot! - was amazing. I was so fortunate to not run into any egos or bad bedside manners. Everyone was just great.

The first nurse I dealt with at the maternity ward at the RHH was wonderful - she made me a cup of tea and offered me some sandwiches (which was awesome because I hadn’t eaten anything since around 12:00pm), and I was allowed to eat in peace despite being in a shared room. A little while later a doctor came in and checked my pad, still fresh blood at that point but the flow had gone down significantly already. He just had me change it over so they could see the amount that collected between then and the next time they checked.

This is where things start getting hazy because I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I remember another doctor coming in and removing the cannula the paramedics had originally given me because she couldn’t get any blood out of it, and giving me another in my wrist. She took blood, and I didn’t hear anything about that so I assumed that was all clear. After this one of the paediatricians came in to talk to me, about their facilities for premmie babies because there was a chance that bubby might be born early. I took most of what he said in and didn’t really have any questions for him, but it seemed to me like this was the best place for me to be if bub came early.

Wednesday 22nd August 2012

I tried getting some sleep but it was 12am before I managed to get anywhere, and I woke up every hour or so until 6:00am-ish. Doctors came in to see me a little later in the morning, after breakfast, and told me they wanted to continue to keep an eye on the bleeding. Once that stopped, they’d continue to monitor me for 24 hours, after which if no further bleeding occurred, I might be able to go home.

Michael and my mum arrived at around 12:00pm on Wednesday, bringing me some stuff from home including my laptop, clothes, toiletries, etc. so I was set for a stay if I had to. Mum left at around 2:30-3:00pm for the drive home, and Michael stayed behind and checked into a hotel nearby. He came back and sat with me until they moved me to a private room (which is ideal because I’m a light sleeper and easily distracted from my sleep). I had another scan at around 4:00pm and the radiologist, after consulting with his doctor, said it looked like a little bruise or scab or something had split open and that’s the cause of the bleeding. The way he described it sounded very positive and it put me in a better mood. Michael went and got some food, came back for a little while then went to his hotel for the night. We had been discussing the possibility of being home by the weekend because my bleeding had subsided, and from what the radiologist had said, it sounded less than threatening.

Thursday 23rd August 2012

Michael came in to my room around 8:00am and we continued discussing the possibility of getting home by the weekend, started to make plans, etc.

The doctors came in and we were feeling rather positive - until they mentioned that the scan showed the bleeding had actually come from the placenta, and they wanted to continue to monitor me till 32 weeks. I was only 28 weeks today - so that meant at least another 4 weeks in hospital, in Hobart, away from family. The other hospitals in the state - the ones closer to home - do not have the facilities to care for a baby before 32 weeks gestation so the RHH is the best place for me and bub right now. I was immediately upset, as anyone would be - my spirits were crushed. Michael was strong enough to keep it together and ask the questions and express how I was feeling to the doctors. I pretty much bawled my eyes out after the docs left and we had a moment of pure anger/sadness together. I knew what they were telling me - from a medical standpoint, this is the best place for me to be should baby arrive early, and I understood that. But emotionally, it hit me for six - I wanted to be near my support base, my family.

We discussed it a little further later on, letting it sink in a little bit more, and came to the conclusion that we just have to work with the cards we’re dealt, and just try to keep things as normal as possible. Michael went out and got me a few more things that I’d need - like bigger shampoo/conditioner bottles, some body wash, razors, DVDs to watch, etc. - to keep me occupied and keep things normal.

He went out for dinner after I ate mine, and back to his hotel room. I was emotionally drained so I tried to get an early night - I think I was asleep by 10:30pm.

Friday 24th August 2012

Woke up relatively early, still no bleeding other than old blood. Michael came in around 8:00am and the docs showed up around 10:00. Ran through essentially what we’d been through yesterday, which I was better prepared for and understood a lot better. I had my morning blood pressure taken and temperature, and got connected up to the CTG to check on bub and make sure I wasn’t having any contractions at all. All clear, all good.

And since then, I’ve just been sitting in my room. We were given clearance by the docs to go outside, so we went out in the fresh air for about 20 minutes this afternoon, which I enjoyed - it was nice to get out of the clinical environment, even if it was out into the city street rather than some serene location.

So at the moment, we’re just crossing fingers and toes that everything goes as it should, that bub stays where she should for the minute and just take every day as it comes.

All of your positive vibes, healing energies and thoughts are definitely helping - thank you ♥